He wore WHAT?!?!?

This is not the person I met for a date, but this is the fanny pack! Photo from the blog: http://thetiffingirl.blogspot.com/2013_04_01_archive.html

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize," Olympia Dukakis' character (Clairee Belcher) in the movie, Steel Magnolias.


I had a date recently that absolutely made me rethink all of mankind if I take Clairee's statement to heart. I was chatting with a guy on the online dating website and we decided we should meet in person. We decided to meet at happy hour at a local Ritz Carlton bar. I do this for a few reasons:

1. I really like the atmosphere of most RC bars
2. It's not the kind of place where you will be fighting for a bar stool or pushing away the local drunk
3. It gives me a good idea of what a guy would look like "cleaned up". Yes, I need to do this because I go to a lot of high-class functions that require tuxes and suits. I need to know that my mate can clean up appropriately.

This guy shows up in khaki shorts, green T-shirt under a short sleeved yellow checkered button up shirt, brown beat up loafers and a black fanny pack. Yes, a FANNY PACK! Not only did he not match or take any pride in what he was wearing, he wore a theme park accessory you wear when you have been dating a person for a year or two (or married to them forever) and you don't have to worry about impressing them anymore.

Guys, please use the following to decide appropriate attire (at a minimum) for first date venues:

• RC, Four Seasons or other high-end establishment = Dark trousers, long sleeved button up shirt, clean/nice dress shoes (suit and tie are preferable)
• Chain restaurant or sports bar = Nice jeans or khakis, button up shirt or golf shirt, nice shoes
• Sporting events = Nice jeans, sports shirts (team logo baseball caps are acceptable for this occasion only), running/athletic shoes
• Coffee shops = Nice jeans, polo shirt and athletic shoes or loafers/boaters

At no time on a first date do we women want to see your knees in shorts or your un-pedicured feet in sandals (and no, socks with sandals does not help). Keep that stuff covered until at least the 2nd or 3rd date no matter how well maintained you are. Did you notice that the fanny pack was not mentioned at all? That's because it is never alright to wear one on a date!  Need a place to keep your wallet? Try your pocket.

Spenda Daddies & Sugar Daddies ...

I have friends who are on dating websites along with me (why do you want to go on this comical journey alone I ask you?) and some of their connections are almost as crazy as mine. In fact, my friend LadyRunner (that's the username I gave her, don't go trying to look it up online) just sent me a text with a convo between her and an interesting lad (let's just call him WBSD for reasons I'll reveal below). It goes something like this:

WBSD: You want something casual?
LadyRunner: No, that is not what I am looking for.
WBSD: How bout a sugar daddie?

Well, given that this dude couldn't use proper grammar or spell daddy I find it hard to believe he has the funds to actually BE a Sugar Daddy. So, what is he? He is a Splenda Daddy (i.e. a Wanna-Be-Sugar-Daddy, WBSD). The Urban Dictionary defines it as, "A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off." What's the difference you ask? Allow me to give examples of first dates with both:

Sugar Daddy -- Takes a lady (usually a lot younger -- hence the name "daddy" -- and a lot more good looking than he is) to a nice restaurant (at a bare minimum The Capital Grille) later in the evening in a very expensive car (current year model #BMW, #Mercedes, #Lamborghini, etc.) and lets her choose anything on the menu to include the most expensive bottle of wine and the brandy flambe  for  dessert. He gets extra sugar points for bringing her a little gift (a small Hermes neckerchief or quaint Tiffany's key chain perhaps). Then he takes her home and hopes to get a goodnight kiss (probably more) for his efforts.

Splenda Daddy -- Takes a lady to a mediocre chain restaurant (think Applebees, Chilis, or TGIFridays) during happy hour in his late model #Lexus or #Cadillac and urges her to split the couple's special with him (making sure to split each of the three courses right down the middle -- appetizer, entree and dessert only $29.99). He wouldn't dream of letting her pay the check ... this time. As a gift, he might bring her gas station, cellophane wrapped flowers. He still tries to get lucky after the date.

Now there is nothing wrong with the second date I described above. The only reason I consider it a Splenda Daddy date is because the tool of a guy acted like he was wining and dining a gal instead of just taking her out to get to know her. A decent guy takes a lady out to a place he can afford just to spend time with her. He turns into a Splenda Daddy when he takes a lady to a place he can afford and pretends he is doing her some grandiose favor! On the opposite side, there is nothing wrong with the first date mentioned either except for the fact that the guy obviously wants to impress the young lady and be seen as a stud and is willing to pay the price for such things. See the difference?

So guys, if a girl needs a Sugar Daddy and you don't have the means to be one, chalk that up as a dodged bullet and money in your pocket. In other words, LET HER GO!

Ladies, if a guy treats you like he's doing you a favor by spending money on you (regardless of how much) instead of like you deserve it, LET HIM GO! Sugar and Splenda are bad for our digestive systems anyway. Let's go for something like a Stevia or Honey Daddy instead -- all natural :-)

Baby you can drive my car ...

This is where I usually sit in my car -- the driver's seat.

Rant of the week. What is it about men taking selfies of themselves in the car and using that photo as their main profile picture? I get about 10-12 daily matches on my dating websites and at least half of the profile photos are of men in cars. I've come to the conclusion that men who show these photos do so for one of 5 reasons:

1. They just want to show me they are responsible enough to drive (doesn't mean they are good drivers just that they are smart enough to get a license) a motor vehicle
2. They want everyone to know they can afford a vehicle (or maybe they just borrowed their friend's car)
3. They work out of their cars and this is the most realistic photo of their life
4. They can't be bothered to step out of their car and get a creative shot in front of a nicer background
5. They love their (insert expensive car brand here) so much that they want you to be impressed by it

Whatever the reason guys, here's a tip. We ladies don't mind if you have a car selfie but for the love of God don't make it your main profile picture. And for the record, taking a selfie of yourself in your car (in the same clothes) at 4 different angles isn't what we want to see either! 

I'm not Demi or Catherine ...

There is a reason it's been three weeks since I posted a blog ... nothing NEW has happened.

If you've read any of my posts you'd know that I have a certain set of criteria I am looking for in a date -- specifically the following: college educated, well-employed male between the ages of 39-49 within a certain income bracket. I'm not as picky when it comes to ethnicity, religion, astrological sign or political view.

For weeks I've been getting winks and e-mails from 25 and 60 year olds. While I admire Demi Moore and Catherine Zeta-Jones for dating (and marrying) guys half their age or twice their age, I am not of the same mindset. Look, I have a rule about the age of my soulmate: he has to be old enough to be my baby daddy (my child is 18 so you need to be at least 36) and young enough to where when we go out, people don't think you are my dad.

This has been the circumstance for weeks so I didn't want to bore you with story after story of me letting guys down easy who were out of my age range. I will be narrowing my age range in my profile to see if I can attract more of the age I desire (no disrespect to Demi or Catherine of course).