A picture says 1,000 words (sometimes not very good words!)

Thanks to the FaceBook page, Code Red, for the fabulous find of this single guy. Yes, there is a reason he is single ...

In my first two weeks of online dating I have sorted my "matches" into the following categories:

1. Mr. Rich and Important: Just because you took a photo in a suit and tie in front of Louis Vuitton does not mean you will go in said store and buy me something from Mr. LV. And just because you are holding a champagne flute (probably at your best friend's wedding) does not mean you are going to treat me to fine dining every date.
2. Mr. Ballcap: If you are wearing a baseball cap in every photo I deduce that it means one of two things: a) you are lying to yourself -- and me -- that you are not balding -- I have nothing against bald guys, just don't lie about it; or b) you have absolutely no idea how to dress up without a ballcap so taking you to a nice restaurant or a fundraising gala are out of the question -- neither of those two options work for me
3. Mr. Share-the-Spotlight:  I think I speak for all ladies when I say we can read in your profile that you love your dog/cat/big fish catch/car/motorcycle/boat/etc. and do not need to see all 25 allowable photos of you on match.com consumed with your pets and automotives
4. Mr. Friendless: Selfies are great but if all your photos are taken only by you, it makes us women start to wonder if you have friends. And if you don't have friends who can snap a photo every now and then (heck, even get your sister or kid to take a photo) we wonder if you are going to spend every second of your day stalking us because you have nothing better to do
5. Mr. Dad-Bod: Trust me when I say that most women know you have a dad-bod, we don't need to see your beer gut in a photo with your shirt off. But kudos for being brave enough to put it out there publicly. Bottom line, if you don't look EXACTLY like Magic Mike with your shirt off, we don't want to see it. Remember guys, we women show these photos to our other girlfriends when we find a good catch so do you really want your photos being laughed at because your perception is completely off?   We are fine with dad-bods, we just don't want to see them on match.com
6. Mr. Sports Fanatic: I know you love the your pro football team or your alma mater basketball team but save that sports team pride for after we've had a few dates. Here is a tip, rare is the woman who wants to go out to a basketball game on a first date (there are some who do, but very few and far between). If you wear your college team colors or, even worse, a Green Bay Packers cheesehead in every photo, we women tend to think that is all you will do (i.e. take us on "sports dates")
7. Mr. Back-to-the-Future: Yeah, we can tell that photo of you looking hot and studly was taken in 1995. How you may ask? Well, the velvet Elvis panting behind you or your mom's coke-bottle glasses kind of give it away. I would take a Mr. Friendless and his selfies over this guy, at least his photos are up-to-date!
8. Mr. Bond, James Bond: If you have a sexy girl in the photo with you, you better identify her as your sister or other non-threatening woman in your life or we will just pass you by because we are not impressed by your sexual prowess or ability to get hot women to stand by you. But on the same note, we can figure out some hot women you are photographed with (i.e. we women can tell if it's a NYC Rockette, which is cool, or the stripper at the local gentleman's club, which is not cool)
9. Mr. Mom: We love seeing pictures of dads with their kids but sometimes we want to see just you in at least one of the photos
10. Mr. No Photo: This is the worst! If you can't be bothered to post a photo (even a, God forbid, selfie) then tell me why I should just trust you when you say you are a good looking man? Well, two can play that game so you will just have to trust me that I am a 36-24-34 blonde, 5-foot/8-inches Barbie doll with green eyes, tan skin and a trust fund