Who's on first?

I like an honest guy. I like a guy who can open up to me and be comfortable talking to me. There is such a thing as being too comfortable though. I do not like guys who open up to me on the first e-mail exchange to tell me they really like me and would like a relationship with me, going into detail about how we are a perfect match and how we are soul mates. That is just freaky! But what is even freakier  is a guy who calls me pet names on the initial e-mail. Sir, kindly scroll up to the top of the page and at least use my profile name when addressing me for the first time. Here are some of my favorites and how I feel about them (they range from non-threatening but annoying to just absurd):

• "Hello beautiful, how are you?" -- I know I'm beautiful, I don't need to be told by a complete stranger who is judging me on a handful of photos that I am attractive.
• "Hi queen, your photos are great." -- Yes, there is a reason my photos are great and its because I spent time and effort taking photos that show me at my best. I didn't just slap up my senior prom picture from 20-ish years ago or a selfie I took in my kitchen. And what is with calling me "queen"? Do I look like Queen Elizabeth?!?! Although she looks pretty good for her age :-)
• "Hey girl, you are sexy." -- The word 'girl' and 'sexy' should never go together in a sentence EVER or else you look like a pedophile. I am a woman, not a girl, hear me roar!
• "hey sexy, hows ur day?" -- Sexy is an adjective, not a proper noun. And don't get me started on proper English and text talk. I immediately delete any e-mails from men (I use that term loosely) who can't be bothered to spell out a few words when greeting me for the first time. 
• "Hi sweetie, I've been looking for you." -- This is the uber creepiest of creepy intros. It sounds like you are Hannibal Lector who is getting ready to slice me open and eat my liver.
• "hey baby, whats up what ur # want to chat?" -- Beam me up Scotty, there are no intelligent life forms on this online dating site. 

Yes, I deleted all of these without responding. If you can't respect me enough to put some time and effort into making a good first impression, you don't deserve a response. For the love of God, at least just say "Hello" and wait for me to respond! Bottom line, whatever your best guy friend told you to say because he said "that's what women want to hear," please just ignore his advice. Instead, use the below initial e-mail sample:

Hello INSERT PROFILE NAME HERE, 
I enjoyed reading your profile and would like to get to know you better. Please respond if you are interested.
Best regards,
INSERT YOUR REAL FIRST NAME

Next week, we will talk about responses and what to do (and what not to do) when someone doesn't respond to your e-mail.  Or worse, says they are not interested -- yes, it happens, prepare yourself.