No news is good news ...

Normally, I would agree with the old cliché that "No News Is Good News." But in the online dating world, no news means no one is looking at your profile. I wonder why? I have gotten only two views in the last 10 days so I'm starting to wonder what's going on. I think it's one of the following reasons:

1. I'm just too high maintenance and they think they need to maintain me (I am high maintenance but like I tell everyone, "I can maintain myself")
2. I'm ugly, old, not interesting, etc.
3. The guys are just lazy
4. Guys are dating less because it is taking a backseat to summer sports season
5. Everyone has recognized they are never going to be Mr. Perfect for me so they gave up
6.  I'm just too fabulous that it hurts their eyes to keep staring at the selfie photo of me hamming it up at the White House

   
   

   I mean I read the rules of setting up my online profile (i.e. I read a hilarious article on what not to do here: www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-your-online-dating-profile-isnt-working/)  and still nothing. Maybe its a combination of all six reasons?

    

I really am a great catch ...

"Being a leader is like being a lady. If you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't." Margaret Thatcher.
I love Mrs. Thatcher because she had a knack for putting things in ways normal, non-political people could understand.  Her quote is aptly applicable in online dating. In other words, if you have to tell people, "I'm a great guy/gal" then you probably aren't.

Think about it for a minute. If you are such a great catch, why are you still single? Great catches get swooped up pretty quickly. Great catches do not need to tell people they are great catches. Great catches get treated wonderfully. Great catches know they are great catches without having to say it.In fact, great catches don't really see themselves as "great catches" but normal, humble people.

Come on, be honest with us. Have you ever chatted with your girlfriends over a glass of wine and said, "I don't know why I can't find any decent men, I'm a great gal"? Oh, I'm sure you have. I've heard this from guys and gals.

OK, let's look at it from another angle. How many dates have you gone on in the past six months? 5, 10, 15, 20? And you were always a great catch and they were? Do you not see a common denominator here (i.e. you)?

I recently had a guy on a date tell me that he was a great catch and that he had lots of dates each month. I asked him what was wrong with him then if he hadn't been swooped up by Ms Right. He said (quite seriously might I add), "nothing's wrong with me." And, that is what's wrong with you, you conceited, clueless idiot.

I implore you ladies and gentlemen -- REALLY look at your profile on the dating website. If you say anything like "I'm a great guy/gal", delete it now! And for God's sake do not pull the old "my friends say I'm a great catch" BS. Even if your friends do say that its because they are your friends and they are trying to be supportive by not bringing you down and listing all your faults.  They know your faults and if they are really good friends (and you let them be brutally honest) they will tell you what your faults are so you can fix them. Better yet, get your friends to honestly tell you your faults so you can warn potential dates about them on your profile (e.g. my friend Mary tells me I am picky, a procrastinator and always late so I tell my dates that in advance. Thanks for being honest, Mary!).

He wore WHAT?!?!?

This is not the person I met for a date, but this is the fanny pack! Photo from the blog: http://thetiffingirl.blogspot.com/2013_04_01_archive.html

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize," Olympia Dukakis' character (Clairee Belcher) in the movie, Steel Magnolias.


I had a date recently that absolutely made me rethink all of mankind if I take Clairee's statement to heart. I was chatting with a guy on the online dating website and we decided we should meet in person. We decided to meet at happy hour at a local Ritz Carlton bar. I do this for a few reasons:

1. I really like the atmosphere of most RC bars
2. It's not the kind of place where you will be fighting for a bar stool or pushing away the local drunk
3. It gives me a good idea of what a guy would look like "cleaned up". Yes, I need to do this because I go to a lot of high-class functions that require tuxes and suits. I need to know that my mate can clean up appropriately.

This guy shows up in khaki shorts, green T-shirt under a short sleeved yellow checkered button up shirt, brown beat up loafers and a black fanny pack. Yes, a FANNY PACK! Not only did he not match or take any pride in what he was wearing, he wore a theme park accessory you wear when you have been dating a person for a year or two (or married to them forever) and you don't have to worry about impressing them anymore.

Guys, please use the following to decide appropriate attire (at a minimum) for first date venues:

• RC, Four Seasons or other high-end establishment = Dark trousers, long sleeved button up shirt, clean/nice dress shoes (suit and tie are preferable)
• Chain restaurant or sports bar = Nice jeans or khakis, button up shirt or golf shirt, nice shoes
• Sporting events = Nice jeans, sports shirts (team logo baseball caps are acceptable for this occasion only), running/athletic shoes
• Coffee shops = Nice jeans, polo shirt and athletic shoes or loafers/boaters

At no time on a first date do we women want to see your knees in shorts or your un-pedicured feet in sandals (and no, socks with sandals does not help). Keep that stuff covered until at least the 2nd or 3rd date no matter how well maintained you are. Did you notice that the fanny pack was not mentioned at all? That's because it is never alright to wear one on a date!  Need a place to keep your wallet? Try your pocket.

Spenda Daddies & Sugar Daddies ...

I have friends who are on dating websites along with me (why do you want to go on this comical journey alone I ask you?) and some of their connections are almost as crazy as mine. In fact, my friend LadyRunner (that's the username I gave her, don't go trying to look it up online) just sent me a text with a convo between her and an interesting lad (let's just call him WBSD for reasons I'll reveal below). It goes something like this:

WBSD: You want something casual?
LadyRunner: No, that is not what I am looking for.
WBSD: How bout a sugar daddie?

Well, given that this dude couldn't use proper grammar or spell daddy I find it hard to believe he has the funds to actually BE a Sugar Daddy. So, what is he? He is a Splenda Daddy (i.e. a Wanna-Be-Sugar-Daddy, WBSD). The Urban Dictionary defines it as, "A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off." What's the difference you ask? Allow me to give examples of first dates with both:

Sugar Daddy -- Takes a lady (usually a lot younger -- hence the name "daddy" -- and a lot more good looking than he is) to a nice restaurant (at a bare minimum The Capital Grille) later in the evening in a very expensive car (current year model #BMW, #Mercedes, #Lamborghini, etc.) and lets her choose anything on the menu to include the most expensive bottle of wine and the brandy flambe  for  dessert. He gets extra sugar points for bringing her a little gift (a small Hermes neckerchief or quaint Tiffany's key chain perhaps). Then he takes her home and hopes to get a goodnight kiss (probably more) for his efforts.

Splenda Daddy -- Takes a lady to a mediocre chain restaurant (think Applebees, Chilis, or TGIFridays) during happy hour in his late model #Lexus or #Cadillac and urges her to split the couple's special with him (making sure to split each of the three courses right down the middle -- appetizer, entree and dessert only $29.99). He wouldn't dream of letting her pay the check ... this time. As a gift, he might bring her gas station, cellophane wrapped flowers. He still tries to get lucky after the date.

Now there is nothing wrong with the second date I described above. The only reason I consider it a Splenda Daddy date is because the tool of a guy acted like he was wining and dining a gal instead of just taking her out to get to know her. A decent guy takes a lady out to a place he can afford just to spend time with her. He turns into a Splenda Daddy when he takes a lady to a place he can afford and pretends he is doing her some grandiose favor! On the opposite side, there is nothing wrong with the first date mentioned either except for the fact that the guy obviously wants to impress the young lady and be seen as a stud and is willing to pay the price for such things. See the difference?

So guys, if a girl needs a Sugar Daddy and you don't have the means to be one, chalk that up as a dodged bullet and money in your pocket. In other words, LET HER GO!

Ladies, if a guy treats you like he's doing you a favor by spending money on you (regardless of how much) instead of like you deserve it, LET HIM GO! Sugar and Splenda are bad for our digestive systems anyway. Let's go for something like a Stevia or Honey Daddy instead -- all natural :-)

Baby you can drive my car ...

This is where I usually sit in my car -- the driver's seat.

Rant of the week. What is it about men taking selfies of themselves in the car and using that photo as their main profile picture? I get about 10-12 daily matches on my dating websites and at least half of the profile photos are of men in cars. I've come to the conclusion that men who show these photos do so for one of 5 reasons:

1. They just want to show me they are responsible enough to drive (doesn't mean they are good drivers just that they are smart enough to get a license) a motor vehicle
2. They want everyone to know they can afford a vehicle (or maybe they just borrowed their friend's car)
3. They work out of their cars and this is the most realistic photo of their life
4. They can't be bothered to step out of their car and get a creative shot in front of a nicer background
5. They love their (insert expensive car brand here) so much that they want you to be impressed by it

Whatever the reason guys, here's a tip. We ladies don't mind if you have a car selfie but for the love of God don't make it your main profile picture. And for the record, taking a selfie of yourself in your car (in the same clothes) at 4 different angles isn't what we want to see either! 

I'm not Demi or Catherine ...

There is a reason it's been three weeks since I posted a blog ... nothing NEW has happened.

If you've read any of my posts you'd know that I have a certain set of criteria I am looking for in a date -- specifically the following: college educated, well-employed male between the ages of 39-49 within a certain income bracket. I'm not as picky when it comes to ethnicity, religion, astrological sign or political view.

For weeks I've been getting winks and e-mails from 25 and 60 year olds. While I admire Demi Moore and Catherine Zeta-Jones for dating (and marrying) guys half their age or twice their age, I am not of the same mindset. Look, I have a rule about the age of my soulmate: he has to be old enough to be my baby daddy (my child is 18 so you need to be at least 36) and young enough to where when we go out, people don't think you are my dad.

This has been the circumstance for weeks so I didn't want to bore you with story after story of me letting guys down easy who were out of my age range. I will be narrowing my age range in my profile to see if I can attract more of the age I desire (no disrespect to Demi or Catherine of course).

You get what you pay for ...

$$$$$$$

If you read my other blog posts, you know that people can see when you look at their profile. But there is a way to avoid them knowing. Of course, you have to pay for that privacy privilege. Oh no, that $200+ a year subscription you pay for when you sign onto a dating site is just the basics to get you in the door. My momma always said, "you get what you pay for" and "nothing in this life is free."

I know there are free dating sites out there but would you really trust them to produce quality people? Maybe, but I'm looking for my soulmate and he better not be stingy with money! I mean, think about it. If I meet a guy who is too cheap to spend a few hundred bucks a year to meet me, how cheap is he going to be on a first date?

Anyway, back to the online dating site add-ons (or up-selling as they call it in the marketing world). I don't' see why you need these if you are genuinely out there searching. There are plenty of options to choose from depending on the site you use:


Privacy -- If you don't want them to see when you have looked at them. Seriously. what are we, elementary school children? So what if they see that I viewed their profile, isn't that the point of online dating? Are you in the witness protection program or running from the law so you don't want me to see you? Well, then I don' t want you anyway, you aren't that special and all women are not stalkers.
Top of the search -- If a guy is "searching" for Ms. Right then why do I need this? Isn't he searching enough to scroll down the "matches" for 5-10 people to find me? Do I have to be right in his face upon turning on his phone and logging into his account for him to find me? He probably isn't very good at the game hide-n-seek either!
Read receipt -- Don't rush me dude, I will read that e-mail when I get to it. I don't need to pay some service fee to see when a guy opens my e-mail to him. If he never responds, that's a pretty good indication he isn't interested, huh?
Secure call -- If I have never met a guy, why do I want to have my first conversation with him over some covert phone line? This isn't the cold war and we aren't spies with burner phones.
Identification authentication -- Oh please, a really good catfisher could hack this feature with a little persistence and a fake ID. I am who I say I am and that's all I worry about.
Profile writing service -- Honestly, if a guy can't write his own profile, I don't want him. Take the time write about yourself and check your grammar -- its not that hard!

Brought to you by the letter F ...

This week's blog is brought to you by the letter F. What words can you think of that start with the letter F?

Friend, Find, Fabulous, Fanatic, Future, Fun, Fiscal, Frost, Fear,

F*#@!

My favorite F word is "freak." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, freaks are all around us. I just learned that I have to be much more careful about who I look at on my online dating site. Not sure why I didn't know this before but apparently, when you peruse a person's profile that person sees that you looked at it. They get a little notice in their account that says "MissABC" looked at your profile at (time, date). Whoa, hold the fone (yes, I intentionally misspelled it, it's F day remember?)!  They can see me and when I looked at them? Yes, they can and when many of these people see that someone else looked at their profile, they automatically think "ahh, someone wants me so I need to inundate them with a hundred winks, e-mails and like all of their profile photos to show them I want them too."

Well, isn't that presumptuous? Just because I look at your profile does not mean I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've gotten some doozies from guys who I just peeked at their profile for fun (sometimes they have a photo of a dog as their profile photo and or maybe they have a sunset photo and the curiosity just gets the better of me) or sometimes their photo is really nice and I want to read the rest of their story. It does NOT mean I want to marry them tomorrow. Here is the tip of the week guys (and gals too): if a someone looks at your profile ONCE and goes days without a wink, another profile view, an e-mail or a "like" then they aren't interested. There is no need to contact them with a diatribe of worthless dribble to try and win thier love. Just chalk it up to they were curious but not that interested, shrug it off and move on before we use the word of the day on you:

FREAK

Flicking a booger and running ...

I like it when a guy starts a conversation with me. It makes me feel like I warranted special attention for him to seek me out and talk to me.

 

Conversations starter examples:

• Hello. I like your photos. My name is Joe. What is yours?
• Hi, I know a great place that makes the perfect daiquiri. Want to go? Joe
• Hey, I'm Joe, and your profile was really funny. 

However, I do not like it when guys waste my time by sending me an e-mail with one word as if to "poke" me -- I call it flicking a booger and running (kind of like a little boy would do in kindergarten if he really liked a girl, he would be mean to her). Here are examples:

• Hey
• Wow
• Awesome
• s'up?
• Hi
• Hello
• Hot!
• Chat?

 

Do not poke me! If you want to start a conversation with me in a way that will make me want to communicate with you and possibly go out with you, you have to put some effort into it. One word pokes are lazy and indicative of how you will be in the rest of the relationship (i.e. LAZY!). That flick-a-one-word-e-mail trick might work with other women but it doesn't work for the intelligent ones like me. When you send me those stupid one word pokes I instantly put you in the "too lazy to bother with" folder and discard your profile. My good friend and online dating confidant (we'll just call her Goldilocks because she has fabulous long golden hair like a Barbie doll) actually kept the above screenshots of her lazy guys trying to start a conversation. Yes, Goldilocks and I showed them to our girlfriends. Yes, Goldilocks and I laughed at them. And, yes, Goldilocks and I deleted you. If you can't take the time to come up with something genuine and original to show me you are truly interested in starting a conversation with me, then I don't even give you the time of day to respond. So, advice of the day, lazy guys, go put on your big boy trousers, load the dictionary/thesaurus app onto your mobile phone and try making a coherent sentence in e-mail format before trying to start conversation with intelligent women on the dating website.

Save the crazy for date #2 ...

I love a guy who is honest and forthright. On the flip side, I also like keeping some skeletons in your closet for the sake of being mysterious. But there is a fine line between being honest and being a freak! And sometimes in the online dating world, you get the crazy right out of the starting gate, which is probably not a bad thing -- that way you can block the crazies before the stalking begins. Some of the doozies told to me BEFORE the second date (paraphrased of course):

• I'm on some seriously good meds.
• I am manic depressive, bi-polar. What is your disease?*
• So, you like BJ's? I need them. A lot. 
• I am really into hard porn.
• I drink excessively, like every night.
• You have the cutest [insert designer name] shoes in that photo. What size do you wear?
• You are fat but I still want to #$*% you. 
• I can't do a date Thursday because I have a full-body waxing but I can do Tuesday. 
• I don't believe in going to the dentist/doctor.
• I never wear sandals because I have severe athletes foot. It's really gross, want to see?

WTH! Why in the world would you think it is alright to mention these things before or during a first date? You have got to be a special kind of crazy to mention stuff like this before you put a ring on it.  So, weekly advice guys and gals -- save the crazy talk for date #2. Show all your good qualities and your good side first.

* Editor's note: I have nothing against dating a guy who is under medical supervision for an illness. This guy was actually kind of cool and I'm sure he was using his diagnosis as a lighthearted icebreaker. Unfortunately, I'm was not at a time in my life where I could be the sane one for both of us and he was really nice about accepting my response (yes, we are still friends).

I hate football ...

It's been a rather slow week this week what with the lead up to #SuperBowl50 yesterday. So, instead of watching  men in tight pants run around the field, I decided to evaluate myself in tight pants (i.e. re-read my online dating profile -- you know, just to see if I needed to spruce it up a bit). To my delight, I liked my profile just as much now as I did when I started it about 5 months ago. Here are a few of my favorite things about my profile:

Honesty: I don't like sports. I'm not going to lie and tell guys I do just to get them to look at my profile. I don't care about it and if that scares men off, then they aren't the kind of men I want in my life anyway. I like fashion and I like shopping. I will not hide that info for fear of guys not wanting to go shopping with me. Like I say in my profile, I don't care if you go hang out with the boys and watch/play sports, just don't make me go with you and I won't make you go shopping with me. Deal?

Humor: I use this very sparingly because people have different types of humor and oftentimes funny things said are lost in the verbiage of the text. For really good humor you have to see the person, their facial expressions. People who try to be funny and then end with smiley faces or "lol" need to save the humor for in-person.

Fact: Yes, I said my exact height and body type. I am not and have not been a size 2 for a long time so why would I tell anyone I'm "slim" or athletic and toned? I say I am "average" because according to the Center for Disease Control the average woman in the US is 5.4 and 166 pounds. I'm taller and weigh less so I'm average. I like knowing there is "proof" to my average-ness, thanks CDC.

Your pet dragon makes me nervous ...

Graphic thanks to Webweaver

I have come to the conclusion that women take online dating much more seriously than men do. Just an observation and, of course, solely my opinion (although I do hope other women agree with me in part) but it just feels like the guys are treating the initial phase of online dating (the searching of the database of potential matches) as a "warm up practice." Let me tell you a few things that shaped that opinion after about 6 months of online dating on three different dating sites:

1) Photos -- About 1/3 of the men in my "matched specifically for me" section don't have photos. So guys let me ask you this? If someone tried to sell you a car for $25,000 and gave you a glowing, fabulous description of it but when asked if you could see a photo of it were told, "oh, I am not good with technology so I can't give you a photo, you just have to trust me." Would you buy it? Yeah, we aren't buying the fact that you don't know how to take photos of yourself either. Three problems come from this: 1) You really aren't smart enough to figure out how to take and download a photo of yourself; 2) You can't afford a phone with a camera; or 3) You don't care enough to go to the trouble of posting a photo. Either one of these three reasons is enough for me to say "no thank you" to you.
2) Skipping vital info -- Why would you skip the question about pets? Giving me the "I'll tell you later" answer only makes us women nervous. Are you afraid to tell me you have a baby dragon?! Trust me, if you have a snake or some other exotic pet you think we would be scared off by, let us decide before we invest time with you. I don't care how hot you are if you have a 5-foot long king cobra (I'm talking about the reptile, get your mind out of the gutter), I'm not dating you. Same goes for occupation and income. I'm not going to be a sugar mama no matter how gorgeous and wonderful you are.
3) Text talk -- If I am your good friend and we are finalizing where to meet for drinks after work, I might use terms like OMG, SMH, LOL, IMHO, 1337. But you are not going to make a good first impression with a mature, sophisticated woman by using acronyms and text talk in your initial correspondence. I am not your friend at this point, I am your potential date or mate. Show some decorum dude! I told a guy this once and he told me I was too-old fashioned. Yes, I am old fashioned ... I like doors held for me, chairs pulled out for me, men to act gentlemanly. So, I guess I want an old fashioned man too. If I wanted to date a boy who uses text talk, I would be a cougar and go for those 20 years younger. So you are probably wondering what the problem is with a 45-55 year old man using text talk? Apparently they don't know their age and I ain't got time to teach it to them! I've already reared one man child, I'm not rearing another one.

Of course there are the exceptions and this blog is not directed at them but for the majority, the above applies. It just seems that the majority of the men think that the photos and profile they post are a "warm up" and that the first impression is really the in-person date. Sweetie, you were on stage the first second your profile popped up in the system. There is no warm up, no practicing, no dress rehearsals!

There is no perfect formula ...

I talk to some of my female friends who have used online dating sites before and each has their own little system for meeting and getting to know men online. One uses this formula in this exact order (and God help the guy who doesn't follow the proper order of things):

1. He "likes" me
2. I "like" him
3. He "winks" and me
4. I "wink" at him
5. He messages me
6. I reply 
7. He has to ask me to meet in person first

Of course I have other friends who say they don't have time for all that mess so they e-mail a guy they think looks good immediately skipping all that hullabaloo liking and winking and waiting. And to all the guys who like or wink that they don't like? They ignore them.

I'm kind of in the middle of those two. If I like the way a guy looks, I like (since I'm not a big fan of the wink) or smile at him. To me, a wink is similar to an innuendo for intimacy and I don't know you that well yet :-)

I always answer an e-mail even if its to say I am not interested. I mean, the guy went out on a limb to message me and didn't bother with the wink or like, he deserves a response for his gutsy-ness. I don't always e-mail a man I'm interested in first without "liking" something about his photos or profile but when I do, you know his profile or photos were pretty darned good!

Bottom line is (I'm saying this to the guys), we gals all have a different way to show our interest (or disinterest). We don't always wink back or "like" you back or respond to your message immediately. Some ladies don't respond at all if they are not interested and some will respond with a polite "no thank you". But here are a few rules of thumb to remember (good use for men and women):

• If a person has been "online" within the past 24 hours and has not responded to your wink, like, smile or message that you sent 3 days ago, they are probably not interested. It's not shampoo, do not rinse and repeat (i.e. send another wink, like, smile, e-mail). It's simple, they don't like you so they are ignoring you., just prentend like you are ignoring them back.
•  If a person e-mails you without doing all the winking, smiling, liking, etc. first or in a particular order, it doesn't mean they are "ignoring the rules" and should be written off altogether. It probably means they just don't want to fiddle with the small stuff.  You should take it as a compliment that they find you so intriguing that they want to get to know you immediately.
• Silence is not always golden. Respond to a message even if its to let them down easy. Just think of how you would feel if you were in a crowded room and you spoke to someone and they ignored you. Same, same.
• If someone ignores you or responds with a "no thank you" or "I don't' think we are compatible" or any other form of rejection (yes, its rejection, you will get rejected, deal with it), drop it an move on. As my sister says (jokingly of course but some truth to it), there are plenty of other fish in the toilet. No, they won't change their minds, no they are not joking with you, no they won't meet you and realize they couldn't live another day without you. Constantly sending smiles, winks, likes and messages will make you look clingy and needy and if they didn't like you enough before, they certainly won't like you now.

The game of love ...

I had an interesting week at the online dating site. I got a wink from a man we will just nickname "Jerky123" because I don't want to give away his profile name ( it's much cooler to talk about him behind his back right? that is sarcasm). He sent it late at night and I didn't respond until the morning -- I generally only check my dating profile for about 15-20 minutes at night so he was lucky I had 10 extra minutes that morning and decided to go online instead of get an extra 10 minutes of shut eye.

Contrary to popular belief, everyone who is on an online dating site is not sitting there waiting for the "you've got mail" beep 24/7. Sure, there are some who are online all day or on their mobile app of the site and are always available but those kind of people freak me out. Jerky 123 was one of those.

So, the interaction with Jerky123 started innocent enough I thought. He sent the typical "hi" e-mail within 30 seconds of my wink back. At 6:05 a.m., I sent a "Hello, how are you? I'm off to work. Have a great day" e-mail back then shut the computer off and headed to work. What ensued in the 12 hours afterward (you know, where I commuted to work, worked a full day with a half hour lunch, commuted back home, cooked dinner for kids, fed/walked the dog, did laundry, etc. -- really just LIFE) was comical to say the least. I'll paraphrase the conversation. Well, it really wasn't a conversation so much as Jerky123 talking at me:

My last e-mail: Hello, how are you? I'm off to work. Have a great day.
Jerky123: I'm great. How are you?
Jerky123: (resent last message)
Jerky123: What, you don't want to talk?
Jerky123: Where are you?
Jerky123: My name is ...
Jerky123:What is your name?
Jerky123:How long have you lived in DC?
Jerky123: Did I say something wrong? Why the radio silence?
Jerky123: Hello?
Jerky123: Well, I guess you don't want to talk to me afterall.
Jerky123:Who do you think you are?
Jerky123: I guess you just like playing mind games!
Jerky123: Well, I don't play games. Bye.

I actually sent him an e-mail explaining that I was at work all day and that I didn't appreciate being accused of playing games. WOW, big mistake. That created another e-mail tyraid that I just ignored.

Bottom line -- guys, do you want a needy woman who is looking for a sugar daddy to support her? Well, those are the ones who will be available to answer your trivial questions all day long, hang on every word you say and reply back within 1 minute of your last text. As for the real women who want a man to compliment their lives and not "complete" them, well we will be at WORK, working. We will treat you like everything else in our lives, we will pencil you in and try to make time for you between kids, work, pets, house, bills, errands, friends, family, taxes, homework, cooking, workout, car repairs, etc. ... . That's not playing games, that's life. Now, go out there and get one!
 

Momma taught me to "use my words" ...

I'm back from my holiday dating sabbatical and boy did I need a break! I came back to a few dozen e-mails, winks, views, etc. from men who CLEARLY are not what I am looking for. Seriously guys, why do you get upset if I don't e-mail you back when you are DEFINITELY not what I state I want in my profile? Let me be clear about a few things ladies and gentlemen. I mean it when I say I want someone:

• Between a certain age (let's say 35-45). Don't misunderstand me, I've been known to give a 33 year old a second glance -- ok, maybe I'm a little bit of a cougar -- or a 47 year old a date but as a 40-something I have nothing in common with a 55 year old nor a 25 year old. To win a date with me, you have to be at least old enough to pass as my college-age kid's dad or young enough not to eat off the special pensioner's menu at restaurants. The people who say they are looking for someone between the ages of 21-85 are just desperate. I am not THAT desperate, yet :-) Again, don't get upset if you fall into the too-old- or too-young-for-me groups. I love all people and have great friendships with practically anyone, I just don't want to DATE everyone.
• A certain height, body build, ethnicity, etc. No, I'm not being racist, nor am I hating on anyone if they are too skinny, heavy, tall, short, hairy (or not), bearded, tattooed, pierced, etc. I just know what I am attracted to when it comes to outwardly appearances and you do too. Why would I waste my time saying I am looking for "any" person when I know I am looking for that someone special?
• With the same educational background as me. I really don't care where you went to college (unless its one of those really freaky naked-underwater-basketweaving-is-a-major kind of colleges) but I know what I am more compatible with and that is someone with a similar educational background. I would absolutely LOVE to meet a sexy Matt Damon look-a-like who didn't have the means to attend Harvard but who is so intelligent he can carry on a fantastic conversation with me. But, what are the mathematical odds of that happening in real life on an online dating site? Yeah, I don't think Matt Damon's character in Good Will Hunting could work that one out on the blackboard while mopping the floors either! 
• Who works! I can relate to people who work and earn about the same as me. I cannot relate to those who are still finding their calling at 50 and returning to school for a 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc.  associates or bachelors degree. That is called a professional student and you cannot afford me if you are a professional student even if you are a trust fund baby (in that case, your trust fund could afford me lol). I also don't relate well to people who are retired and "relax" (their words, not mine) all day. That freaks me out because they are usually the ones who text 100 times a day because they are bored (hint, go back to work!) and get mad when I don't return texts within 30 seconds (I'm working!). Also, I understand if you are between jobs or job hunting right now - I will cheer you on and wish you luck. But if you are hunting for a job and girlfriend at the same time, you probably have your priorities a little whacked and you need to focus on one or the other (probably the job first so you can take the new girlfriend out).

So, my fellow online daters, let's turn over a new leaf this new year and do something very refreshing, might I say, yes, a little unconventional in the online dating world -- READ. Yes, we all learned to do it in kindergarten and a lot of us spent 12+ years learning bigger and better written words so we can express what we like and what we DON'T. Go on, read those profiles and heed the wants of others (i.e. stop trying to make the other person feel uncomfortable by forcing yourself on them, it's annoying).